Draining or Driving...

Unique Perspectives: Draining or Driving...

By Kim Stevens

Do you know about the 3 types of conversations?

Don’t feel bad, neither did I! Until my sister in law and business coach taught me. She was helping me build a team that actually worked! Cohesive, intentional & collaborative.

One of the practices we built into our culture was something called our “Rules of Engagement”. These are shared agreements that every single person agrees to and signs, about how we show up. Things like: be on time, participate fully, take responsibility, ask questions, go to the source, no gossip and no undercurrent of negativity. Why? Because we all agree that’s not the kind of environment we want to work in. This completely transformed our culture.

It was in that process, that Danielle taught me something I’ll never forget: that there are three types of conversations.

1. Destructive Conversations

We all know these. Gossip, complaining, blaming, bitching, moaning. They’re toxic, not solution-oriented, and everyone walks away worse off for having engaged. Destructive conversations tear down trust, morale, and momentum.

2. Consumptive Conversations

These are trickier to spot. They’re not malicious, just… draining. Someone drones on, talking in circles, saying nothing of substance. You feel stuck, held hostage, like a kid’s toy where you press the bottom and the figure collapses. That’s exactly how I feel. I’m not exaggerating when I say they can suck my will to live!

And the big problem with consumptive conversations is that you often don’t realize you’re in one until you’re knee-deep. They sneak up on you. Unlike destructive conversations, which I can shut down or walk away from quickly, consumptive ones can quietly sap your energy.

And let’s be clear, I don’t mean someone needing to vent or process through something important. We all need that sometimes. I mean the endless, purposeless chatter that leaves you depleted. The truth is, no one ever becomes successful by spending their time in consumptive conversations. Better not to talk at all!

3. Productive Conversations

These are the gold standard. They leave you energized, engaged, and excited. You learn something new, have an aha moment, or move closer to a solution. They inspire. They build trust, create momentum, and spark possibility. I LOVE these conversations. Honestly, they’re the only ones I want to have… ever!

But listen, that doesn’t mean destructive or consumptive conversations don’t show up, trust me, they do. The real question is: what do you do with them?

• Destructive? Shut it down or redirect. Shift from blame to curiosity, from problems to solutions.

  
  

• Consumptive? Spot it sooner. Gently steer it toward purpose, or gracefully end it.

  
  

• Productive? Lean in. Feed them. Multiply them. These are the conversations that energize, inspire, and create growth!

  
  

And here’s the best nugget of all: Take responsibility and know the kind of conversations YOU bring. Be intentional. Be conscious. Every conversation either drains energy or fuels it. If you want a thriving business, a thriving team, and a thriving life, it begins with the ones you choose to start, the ones you refuse to entertain, and the ones you decide to redirect.

Because in the end, conversations shape a whole lot more than moments. They shape culture. They shape outcomes. They shape life itself.