Can I be direct with you?

Unique Perspectives: Can I be direct with you?

By Kim Stevens

Directness.

There have been times in my life when I’ve been accused, or maybe complimented, for being direct. Some people don’t see directness as a positive quality. I completely disagree.

I didn’t always operate this way. I used to soften everything. I would beat around the bush, people-please, and avoid saying what I really needed to say.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

When people aren’t direct, it’s hard to trust them. If someone is afraid to say what’s true, that truth doesn’t disappear… it leaks. Melody Beattie says “they will act out their truth even though they do not speak it.” My therapist once said, “If you don’t deal with your stuff, it comes out sideways.” Ain’t that the truth. They’re the ones that act like everything is fine… then drop a bomb.

Have you ever been around a chronic people pleaser? It’s not very pleasing, at all. You can feel the maneuvering. The unspoken agenda. The careful choreography to avoid discomfort. I can sense it a mile away.

The people I love most are the ones who are clear. They aren’t afraid to say what they like and what they don’t. They’re willing to define where a relationship stands or what they’re struggling with. They don’t say one thing and do another. That kind of congruence builds trust. It eliminates games and creates respect.

I’ve also learned that being direct doesn’t mean being harsh. It doesn’t mean being aggressive. And it certainly isn’t passive. It’s honest. It’s clean. It’s calm. It’s clear. And it can absolutely be kind.

I feel safest around direct people. I don’t have to guess where I stand. I don’t worry about a bomb dropping out of nowhere. I don’t wonder what’s being said behind closed doors. Direct people take concerns to the source. They handle things face-to-face.

At our company, we have rules of engagement. One of them is simple: take it to the source. We don’t talk about people… we talk to them. That agreement creates a culture of trust.

I love being around direct people. I trust them. I feel safe with them. And I love that I’ve learned to be one of them. How about you?