You need to contend with this...

Unique Perspectives: You need to contend with this...

By Kim Stevens

What if the thing you’re pushing against… isn’t actually pushing back?

This idea is so life-altering, in my humble opinion. Mostly because at first, it doesn’t feel true at all. It feels like of course something is pushing back. Life, people, situations… There's friction everywhere. There are things to figure out, problems to solve, people to navigate. Things to contend with!

But what if that’s not actually what’s happening?

I was reading The Inner Work, and there’s a line in the section on accountability that really landed for me: the idea that there is nothing and no one to contend with.

Nothing. And no one. Got that?

That did not feel at all true in my world. In my role, there is ALWAYS something or someone to contend with. Yes, always… or so I thought. But when I really sat with it, I started to see something. The moment I believe I’m contending with something, I’ve already created an opponent. I’ve stepped into the ring and a mindset where something is “in my way.”

This whole idea reminded me of one of my favorite lessons (135) from A Course in Miracles that says, “If I defend myself I am attacked.”

That one feels a little backwards too, doesn’t it? But the deeper truth in that lesson is this: the moment I feel the need to defend myself, I’ve already decided, somewhere within me, that I’m under attack.

And once I believe that, I become more guarded. More reactive. More aware of what could go wrong, what needs to be managed, what needs to be controlled… and yes, what or who needs to be contended with.

I’m actually laughing at the idea of a prize fight where there is the champion and the contender. I definitely don’t want to be that person. But if I feel like I’m always contending with something or someone… I am most definitely that person. I’ve entered into a kind of internal battle.

Connecting the two. If I believe there is something to contend with… I’ve created an opponent. If I believe I’m being attacked… I feel the need to defend. But what if there’s no opponent? What if there is nothing to defend? This is so damned liberating!

And if there’s nothing to defend against… there’s a whole lot more freedom available than we think. I’m finding that the more I live into this idea, the less I feel like life is something I have to wrestle with.

And without all the contending… I’ve stepped out of the ring and into my life.