Expectations & Mind Reading

Unique Perspectives: Expectations & Mind Reading

By Kim Stevens

Such a great topic, don’t you think? There are so many angles to explore, and recently I had the chance to do just that with a group of people. As we shared our experiences, I couldn’t help but marvel at how expectations shape our lives—sometimes in ways we don’t even realize, both good and bad.

At the heart of the conversation was a truth we’ve all felt: expectations often lead to disappointment. Whether it’s expecting someone to act a certain way, do something they don’t, or even magically read our minds about what we want, unmet expectations often leave us feeling let down—or worse, downright angry.

I once heard that “expectations are premeditated resentments.” How true that can be.

Some in the group talked about holding impossibly high expectations for themselves, constantly feeling like they weren’t enough or weren’t doing enough. It’s exhausting to live in a space where perfection feels like the bare minimum.

Others admitted to falling into the trap of mind-reading—expecting people to know exactly what they needed or wanted without ever saying a word. You know the scenario: someone is stomping around, pouting, or giving the silent treatment. When asked what’s wrong, they say, “Nothing.” (Really? Could have fooled me.) And when pressed further, they respond with something like, “You should know what I want. I shouldn’t have to ask.”

Here’s the kicker: maybe they should know. Or maybe they shouldn’t. But what if you just asked? What if you said what you needed? You might actually get it.

Then there’s the flip side: expecting that we can read other people’s minds. Thinking we know what someone else will do or should do… often times after having multiple experiences with them to the contrary.  

Both of these habits—expecting people to read our minds and thinking we can read theirs—set us up for unnecessary frustration. The truth is, clarity, communication, agreement and boundaries are always better tools than assumption and are far healthier than letting unspoken expectations fester. The best part for me is that when I do these things, I stop setting myself up for disappointment. I really like that.

Here’s the biggest shift I’ve made when it comes to expectations: I’ve stopped having unrealistic and un-agreed upon expectations of others and I’ve decided to expect the best from life.

That doesn’t mean I’m blind to challenges or hardships. It means I’ve chosen to believe that life is good, that God is good, that things work out for me, and that everything happens for my highest good. With that belief, I’ve learned to trust the process.

By releasing the habit of mind-reading—expecting others to know what I want without asking, or assuming I know what is in someone else's mind—I’ve freed myself to live with trust. Instead of holding rigid expectations, I’ve learned to let go of the need to control how things unfold. And what I’ve found is that life has a way of surprising me—delivering what I need, often in ways I never could have expected.