Why I Needed a Third Place

Unique Perspectives: Why I Needed a Third Place

By Kim Stevens

I first learned about the idea of a “third place” during a really difficult time in my life. I had separated from my husband of 25 years and home life was tough because my marriage was essentially over. Work life was also tough because the real estate market was plateauing, and as many Unique Perspective readers know, when the market is hard, you have to work even harder.

I spoke to a friend about my situation and she told me, “Kim, you need a third place to go!”

A what?

Most of us have two main places in our lives – home and work. But there’s a third (and often missing) place that can brighten our mood, expand our intellectual horizons and boost our zest for everyday living.

The idea of a third place originates from urban sociologist Ray Oldenburg, who says a third place is any destination that’s local and real (virtual hangouts don’t count). It’s a community for the creation of new ideas, where objectivity, fair-mindedness and tolerance permeates every conversation. A good third place is like a social tonic that invigorates the mind as it uplifts the spirit.

So, I started going to yoga after work – my new third place – and got involved with the yoga community. I also started going to a spiritual group that I loved. Almost immediately, my life felt bigger than the problems I was having at home and work, and I grew closer to some people who are my best friends today.

The practice of finding my third place was all about creating a richer, fuller life for myself. If one area of my life isn’t doing so well, having a third place ensures that I’ll feel like things are OK, like everything’s not falling apart. There’s more to me than only work or home or my relationship or the market …

Conversations that happen in my third place are some of the richest and most inspiring I’ve ever had. And I’ve learned throughout this process that at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter where my third place is – only that I have one.